The Tune Series
by P.L.S
Summary: AU Colonel Kawalsky walks in on Teal'c as he's listening to some music that was written by Dr. Gardener's exboyfriend. So why is it that the song sounds like Gou'ald? Now continued with a story of a bored linguist and his friends the general, the old guy,
1. Twist the Tune

Title: Twist the Tune

Author: P.L.S.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are property of Stargate (II) productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money was exchanged. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations and story are property of the author.

Summery: AU- Colonel Kawalsky walks in on Teal'c as he's listening to some music that was written by Dr. Gardener's ex-boyfriend. So why is it that the song sounds like a mix of Abadonian and Gou'ald?

Warnings: Uh, Jack's a general (which to me is scary even if is canon.) Really, you just need to worry about the severe AU factor. And dead slash relationships- I can't write a straight Daniel. So, he has exes in the forms of Davis, Raynor, and Gardener (which is canon het.)

Author's Notes: I just wanted to turn someone into an underground rock front man... the rest just happened to accompany that. This is a one shot- don't ask for more. I'm trying to get the next chapter of Nabu done.

ooOooOoo

"Knock, knock." said Kawalsky as he opened the door to Teal'c's room, expecting to find his jaffa friend in his meditation pose. He was surprised to see the big man with headphones on nodding to music and laughing at some of the part of a song. To tell the truth, Charlie had never seen his friend look so normal.

Teal'c saw him and took off the headphones, "Hello, Colonel Kawalsky."

"Hey Teal'c. Whatcha listening to?"

"Dr. Gardener told me of a band that recorded old Tau'ri hymns from the days just after the Choppa'ai was buried. The one I was listening to was dedicated to a nearly forgotten goddess of fermentation and distillation."

"Waita minute, beer and whiskey? There was a goddess of beer and whiskey?"

"Indeed. I know her as a well loved and much welcomed gou'ald, all system lords leave her alone to develop her drinks and trade for her spirits. This song, while slightly disrespectful of other gods, is a great tribute to her skill."

"Can I listen?"

"Of course, Colonel Kawalsky." Teal'c touched the back button on the boombox and unplugged the headphones and Charlie heard great rock music, but the words sounded like gou'ald or something.

"What language is this?"

"Dr. Gardener told me that it was thought to be the spoken version of Sumerian, but to me it sounds like a variation of gou'ald with errors in pronunciation."

"So could the singer be a gou'ald?"

"Dr. Gardener has assured me that no one in the band is gou'ald. She once studied with the singer who also writes the songs. It is how she knew of his recordings."

"Who is he?"

"A man called Daniel Jackson." Charlie frowned, he knew that Raynor had said something about the man in passing one day. What it was he had forgotten, but it was important, at least that was what his gut said.

"You think that maybe this Jackson could speak gou'ald? I know you're trying to teach it to the soft science geeks, but you and I both know that even getting them to a child's level of understanding is gonna take too long." Charlie frowned. Everyday, because no one could speak the language or read more than bits and pieces, soldiers were being killed when if they had just had complete intel, they could have made it or have just avoided the mission. The anthro department had long backlogs of translations and despite the new faces brought in, nothing was getting faster because no one could figure out the alien words.

"It is possible that Daniel Jackson could learn many dialects of gou'ald quickly. I have heard recordings of a great many languages that he has done and Dr. Raynor has mentioned that at last count Daniel Jackson was fluent in twenty-two languages." Teal'c said with a nod.

"It's gonna be a hard sell, no matter how many languages this wonder boy can speak. How am I gonna tell Jack let alone the Pentagon that we need to hire a rock star to figure out what the country's brightest can't even start to comprehend. Maybe Sarah can help, I donno." Charlie ran a hand through his hair, "Gawd, nothin' like a challenge, eh, Teal'c?"

"Indeed."

-

"Lemme get this straight." Jack looked hard at the four people in front of him, "You want to send out someone to strong arm a punk rocker into coming to the SGC to do what thirty-seven Ph.D.s can't?" All nodded at him, totally serious, it wasn't even close to April. "Fer cryin' out loud, are you people all out of your minds!"

"General, the only reason we never mentioned Daniel before was because we didn't really think he'd willingly join." Raynor said and Gardener elbowed him.

"You also didn't want him to out shine you again." she snapped, "And to face the fact that I snatched him from you."

"He dumped you too! Besides it was a stupid bet." Raynor snarled at the dyed blond.

"You both dated this man?" asked Jack, not daring to believe that his two most senior archaeologists were fighting like children over something so stupid.

"Yes." both answered then glared at each other.

"You owe me ten dollars, Colonel Kawalsky." muttered Teal'c as Charlie smirked and nodded.

"Good eye. You gotta real talent there, buddy."

"It was needed within the courts of the gou'ald. These wagers help to keep my skills from growing weak with disuse."

"Well, you still gotta teach me it." Jack just started letting his head drop, repeatedly, against his desk. Running the SGC was at best insane, but this was just plain surreal.

"Just give me the information and get the hell outta my office." Jack ground out. He didn't say anything, but he saw that wink that Charlie have the geeks and that it was returned. He had just been played, played like a goddamned trumpet. That confirmed it for Jack. Charlie only really tried to trick him into stuff that he felt was life or death.

As soon as the door was closed the paper was faxed to Major Davis and he was dialling the lesion's cell number. Davis was good at talking people into things, Jack knew that from personal experience. Of all the people Jack trusted, he had faith that the good major could hunt down and trap the reluctant geek who really didn't seem like that much of a geek from the profile given by Charlie and his two trained rock hunters.

-

It was a nice afternoon, not that it mattered. All that really was important was that he search and destroy all annoying bits of adverts for penis enhancement, drugs to make his breasts grow to porn star size, and free vacations or video games. Sometimes the adverts were good for a laugh, but mostly they just cluttered up his inbox and prevented him from receiving large amounts of photographed tablets that his fans in the anthropology fields sent him to inspire new songs. Oh, look. That's a new one- a literacy program. Actually that was kind of ironic, sending an e-mail with only words to try to sell to those who can't read. He was defiantly forwarding that to everyone.

"Eh, Dan?" The balding bass player cracked open his door. Daniel smiled and waved him in.

"Yeah, Chris?" Christian looked kind of strung out, but then again Daniel knew the man was prone to blowing things out of proportion.

"These guys are here to see you." Daniel looked beyond the bassist and saw two very stiff looking men in blue military uniforms. He looked at the uniforms more closely and nodded when he came to the conclusion that they were US Air Force, one a captain, one major, and both, while probably what the military called 'desk jockeys', were more than capable of beating the crap out of anyone. He could also tell they weren't here for a couple of autographs or free tickets. Then again, Bago Kanta was not mainstream by any standards, and thus no one ever asked for his autograph or tickets. Daniel just knew nothing good was going to come from this.

"Crap. Chris, go tell Mike that I might not make practice now." Chris practically ran from the room and Daniel sighed. Quickly he logged out and closed his laptop then bit the inside of his cheek. He had no clue how to greet the military men.

"Dr. Daniel Jackson?" asked the captain. Now Daniel was scared, no one called him by his title. He practically forgot most days that he had three Ph.D.s. It was not a good thing to be called doctor, it meant that someone ratted about his knack with dead languages, or they were here about his theory on the age of several ancient cultures. Since they were military he was putting his money on his language skills and them wanting him to create a code or something.

"Just tell me what you want so I can say no." Daniel said. The major smiled.

"Dr. Gardener and Dr. Raynor both said you'd say that." He said, "I'm Major Davis and this is Captain Openbrier."

"Great, you know my two exes. Now I really am dreading what you want from me." The major laughed.

"You dated them both? God, you must be a saint." Davis said with a grin, "Lord only knows how often those two end up bickering over the stupidest things. Drives everyone to distraction."

"Uh, I'm kind of part of that whole problem. Up until I started dating Sarah, they were best friends. Then Stephen kind of seduced me away from her until I got sick of them both and also screwed up my academic career. Luckily, Bago started having some good turns and we collected a bit of a loyal following, right around the time that the big names in the archeolinguistic field started inferring that I was talking about spacemen from Mars as opposed to just giving a new look at man's cultural development." Daniel let out a huff of breath, "Ah, fuck 'em all anyhow. I'm having fun and they will be called on their close-mindedness soon enough."

"How would you like proof that you're right about the roots of civilisation?" asked Davis.

"I'm guessing that it has the words 'top secret' burned into it, otherwise I would have heard something from my contacts in academia." Daniel said casually. Davis sighed.

"True enough. I can't really tell you anything unless you sign a nondisclosure agreement, and I can't offer it unless you agree to work with the US armed forces for at least a month." Daniel smirked at Davis who was very tempted to squirm under the gaze.

"I think I know the secret. Time travel or aliens, nothing else fits. Either way, I still say nope, but hey, who knows. I just might have time to do a few translations from here. Sarah has my e-mail addy." Daniel said.

"Why won't you even consider it?"

"Nothing is worth having to work with my two exes again. Besides knowledge should be shared not feared." Daniel smiled at Davis and let a bit of wickedness creep into his eyes, "Besides, would you really trust me with anything."

Davis grinned, "I'd be willing to trust you more than I trust myself." Openbrier looked totally confused and Davis and Daniel shared a smile over it, "Captain, would you please go inform Generals O'Neill and Vidrine that I might need a bit more time to talk with Dr. Jackson."

"Yes, sir." snapped the captain and Daniel was amused as the man left in the same hurry that Christian had departed before.

"So, did they find out we dated?" asked Daniel with a lazy smile. Paul laughed.

"Don't ask, don't tell. Besides, Vidrine wouldn't have let me come if he thought I knew you."

"But I'm guessing this O'Neill would have." said Daniel and Paul took up a seat on the coffee table which was the only clear place to sit in the studio apartment.

"O'Neill is a bit unorthodox, but he's good at what he does. If you did join up, you'd be reporting to him. He told me that because Raynor and Gardener are your exes he couldn't in good conscience put them as your superiors. Not to mention that once he found out you aren't a traditional geek, he was wondering just how a three times Ph.D. could just up and leave the school scene and become a punk rocker." Paul said.

"Blame Oxford, I do." quipped Daniel, "What do you think of the hair? Chris and Max did it last night." Paul looked over the thin red, blue, and green streaks in the dirty blond hair.

"I'd of left out the red. You spike it up for your shows, right?"

"'Course. I'm not wild about it all, but apparently it looks brilliant under the lights." Daniel frowned, "How long are you in town?"

"This mission is totally up to me, how long are you booked for this place?" Paul asked.

"Oh yeah, this is our home, sort of. Max's husband owns and runs this club, we come here and record and test new material. We should have our new cd finished in a couple of weeks and are booked for Baltimore in three." Paul nodded, it fit with what little he knew of Daniel's lifestyle now. He knew Daniel from a lecture he attended in college but didn't really get to know him until Bago Kanta was formed and touring. A few months later, they dated casually and they would meet up all over the world. But that was two years ago and now they were just friends who would go clubbing together if it was possible.

"Where in Baltimore?" asked Paul.

"There's a small college doing a punk festival. Weird as I've ever heard of, but their anthro department has nearly blackmailed me into a guest lecture as well. Apparently, my reconstruction of various dead languages as well as my translations are making waves among the small schools, field archaeologists, and the more liberal of the historians." Daniel shrugged, "I'm more interested in digging out my mother's starts on Linear B. I remember it was her pet project just before New York."

"And is that the bribe?"

"For the lecture on ancient songs, ballads, and hymns? Yeah. The head there was her friend and confidant." Daniel hugged himself and Paul bit his lip. It wasn't fair that Daniel didn't let anyone close enough to try to help him when he was hurting like this. Paul watched as Daniel buried his hurts again, "Paul?"

"Yeah?"

"How much am I needed on your top secret project?"

"Scale of one to ten?" Daniel nodded, "Seventy-nine. Dan, listen. Everyday good soldiers and scientists are dying because no one can give them the information they need. We run across whole worlds of people who need help, but we can't do anything because we don't understand something or what we need is in a script that only a few on Earth can even hope to recognise."

"So it's aliens. Crap." Daniel sighed, "Paul, can I do the job remotely?"

"Some, but you don't do anything by halves." Daniel smiled at the fond look that Paul gave him.

"No. I know. Damnation. Let me do it from e-mail for two months. After Baltimore, I'll go, but I can't just up and ditch Bago."

"Yeah. You know, maybe you could talk Chris and Mike into coming too. I dug up their pasts before, biochemists and geologists are more than welcome. Max could come too, if you thought that she would."

"What? Do you see her ditching music for sociology?"

"Nope, but if you wanted, I could get her on the project." Paul said, "Besides, I don't want Bago to break up. Nor does the anthro department you'd work with. You have fans from other worlds now too." Daniel couldn't stop the laugh.

"Oh God! You mean to tell me people visiting Earth are listening to my cd's?"

"It was because of your extraterrestrial following that General O'Neill found out about your gift with languages. Your Egyptian and Sumerian is accurate according to one of the aliens, on his world the languages are still spoken in everyday life." Paul said and Daniel's jaw dropped. Paul was delighted to see a fire in the eyes of his friend turn into infernos of hunger and wonder.

"Really? The implications are enormous. I... Damn, now I have to go. Gimmie a month, I know I can get Max along with Chris and Mike to come too. Paul, I don't care what you have to do, but you have to help me get everything settled. Pull whatever strings you must, but as soon as I'm done with that festival-lecture set, I want to be on a plane headed to wherever this is all centred. Send me prep material, reports on whatever Stephen and Sarah are up to, information on everything. I also need to talk with whoever's going to be my boss."

"I'll have General O'Neill call you A.S.A.P. He's a good guy, a bit ruthless when things are going to hell, but he's all about safety and keeping people alive." Paul said and Daniel nodded.

"Great." Paul was tempted to laugh as he saw that Daniel was already a billion light years away and mentally working on about twenty things at once.

-

Daniel waved off Butch, Max's little brother who also happened to look like he was more of a titanic pillar rather than the nice guy he really was. Butch was the club's security officer/bouncer, and he was good at it. The older man Butch was trying to head off was military to the core, but had at least worn comfortable clothes and attempted to look casual.

"Dr. Jackson?" asked the man.

"Yeah, but call me Daniel."

"I'm General O'Neill."

"Okay. Paul said you'd call, not call on me." Daniel smiled and lead the man to the back rooms, away from the music filling in the time between sets.

"Yeah, well, I'm avoiding a few people and this was as good of an excuse as any." said O'Neill. Daniel nodded as he shut the door to the green room.

"Gotcha. Beer?" Daniel opened up the mini fridge at O'Neill's nod and tossed the guy a Guinness.

"So, why'd you want to talk to me? Davis said you were pretty sold on it all."

"Yeah, but I just needed to be sure I wasn't going to be working for a canonical ass." Daniel said with an artless shrug.

"So."

"Yeah."

"Okay."

"Okay." O'Neill frowned.

"Waita minute. Paul?"

"Yeah, I've known the man for a few years. He's one of my better friends."

"So that's why he didn't flip when I told him to hunt down a punk rocker." Daniel took a pull of his beer and nodded.

"Yeah, Paul is one of the very few I still talk to who knows me from before this all." Daniel shrugged again, "I'm glad to see that he didn't tell anyone."

"You wanted it to be kept a secret?" O'Neill studied Daniel, he was getting rather confused about it all now. Nothing was quite adding up anymore.

"Well, duh. In school, I got a few offers from people in uniforms to do code work or other things along that line. I always got bad feelings about them and turned them down them immersed myself in public places and work until I was sure they were gone. Paul knows, and did me a few favours to hide me and my skills from the wrong people." Daniel said matter-of-factly

"Oh."

"But Paul convinced me that this project of yours is important and that I'm needed. He also spoke highly of you, seems there are only a handful of people he thinks could be trusted with running whatever it is, and you are right there at the top of his list."

"Really? Wow, Davis likes me, he really likes me." O'Neill did a fake and very over the top sniff and Daniel shook his head.

"Done with your Sally Field moment?"

"No, but for you, anything." O'Neill drawled and drank a bit more of his own beer.

"I foresee much sarcasm, insane jokes, and many misunderstandings, but overall a good working relationship, if you don't mind my very odd ways of thinking through things."

"Fun. You just might be the geek I learn to like."

"What! You don't love me? How dare you lead me on like a fool! I thought we were getting married, but now I see you only wanted me for my brain." Both men cracked up as they saw the thunderstruck look on the faces in the now open door. They clinked their bottles together as Daniel left to get ready for the next set and invited O'Neill to stay or at least leave a hotel and room number where he was staying.

Overall, Daniel was looking forward to it all. From everything Paul was sending him, to meeting the general who was to be his boss, the future was looking brighter than the one he had seen coming up just a few weeks ago. Aliens, intergalactic travel, new cultures, proof that he was right when he said that hieroglyphs had to have come from some older culture and that the pyramids were much older than popular theories said, and his entire band was convinced to follow him to this new life- what more could any one ask? Well, regular sex, strong coffee, and good chocolate would be nice too, but he wasn't going to die without sex.


	2. Tuning In

Title: Tuning In

Author: P.L.S.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are property of Stargate (II) productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money was exchanged. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations and story are property of the author.

Summery: AU- For one scientist life is starting to seem like a radio with pre-sets, which is odd considering no one else seems to think it's a routine job. Follow up to Twist the Tune.

Warnings: Uh, Jack's a general (which to me is scary even if is canon.) Really, you just need to worry about the severe AU factor. And dead slash relationships- I can't write a completely straight Daniel. So, he has ex's in the forms of Davis, Raynor, and Gardener (which is canon het.)

Author's Notes: I hate it. I was all set to have chapter six of Nabu done, then I go and do this...

ooOooOoo

Now it was confirmed. He really wasn't doing anything important, not really. That was mostly because he quite quickly attained a reputation for getting translations done quick, correctly, and with notes on the culture around whatever it was. All three things were what the various commanding officers of the Stargate teams needed to make good choices.

As such he was being buried in useless crap; laundry lists, invoices, junked plans, or even just alien tabloids. He had tried teaching more languages to the other linguists, but no one could even put forth the effort to try to live using just a dead language for a week or two, not one of them actually thought in the languages they translated, and he was beginning to understand just why the SGC was in need of him- no one thought outside the box at all!

His band mates were squared away, all three were challenged and liking the idea of being a part of something so big. They still did play together, only now they played in the base's rec. room or at a local pub, and now knew their alien fans. Daniel even started to collect songs from Teal'c, Nyan, and the others who actually ditched their whole planet just to fight for humanity. His performances were the only things keeping him at the SGC, between anthropologists who had been taught to look down upon him, the lack of challenge, and the sheer boredom that the grey of the bunker inspired in him, he was almost ready to quit.

Hey Spacemonkey! Daniel looked behind him, there stood his boss, looking very uncomfortable in his Class B's, and yet still trying to be informal. Jack was another thing he kind of liked, he had started to earn a spot like Paul did him his heart.

Why do you call me that? Jack shrugged at the question.

I donno, it just feels right, ya know. Daniel felt his mouth twist then he went back to work, So whatcha doin'?Translating SG3's bathroom graphiti. Daniel said with a sigh, Then I get to translate SG2's dry cleaning receipts, then SG10's stock invoices, the expiration dates on a new gizmo SG1 is tinkering with, and yes, I'm deadly serious. Jack leaned against his desk and frowned.

Ya know, when I okayed you for this project I was under the impression that you would, I donno, maybe be of some use. Jack said and Daniel rolled his chair back and threw his pen at the Barrel of Monkeys that Jack gave him as a Christmas gift in return for the Jumbo Superball that Daniel had given him.

You think I don't get that? Daniel said, Everyone seems to be suffering from Candy Dish Syndrome. Anything they bring back seems to be of major cultural significance, nothing is just junk or trash. God! You think I like spending my days holed up in this cell like some Russian monk, slaving over stuff that has no value to the main mission of this outfit. I've even made up crib sheets of symbols and patterns to look for, but still your teams persist in giving me this stuff. No one is even bothering to try to learn the basics other than Daniel scowled at the size of his in-box's pile.

Jack looked thoughtful, You think you could do a better job on the other side of the Daniel looked up at him.

I asked if you think you could do better than the social scientists we got going through the Jack said in a bland tone. Daniel shrugged.

Other than Teal'c, or maybe Captain Carter, sure. I know I'm not going to because I have no skills, nor do I think I could kill unless I had no choice, but as far as picking up stuff that is useful, sure. Daniel sighed, Its impossible to do any worse. But what we need are either native speakers or people who are willing to go native or a month or so to learn the language, customs, and all about the people in order to really understand the words.Like that camping trip you insisted on taking Teal'c on when you first came? asked Jack, I always wondered why it had to be just you and T.I spent the entire time using only Gou'ald or Chulakinan to speak, doing things in accordance to Jaffa traditions, and learning everything I could about how Teal'c used to live. It was how I picked everything up without being lost in books or classes. Daniel shrugged, The real trick is learning how to think in the language, which means translating on the go is made a bit easier. But really, back on topic, I can't seem to find any feasible way to keep your soldiers from shooting themselves in their collective foot.

Jack rubbed his forehead, Yeah, know what you mean. Goddamnit, why the hell can't something go right? Jack looked at everything all over the office cum library cum museum. Only the guitar like thing in the corner revealed that Daniel was into any kind of music, the instrument couldn't leave the SGC but Daniel loved it and refused to let it be stored like the rest of the artefacts in the bowels of the mountain. It was a gift to him from a bunch of jaffa who Teal'c and SG1 got to defect from Nirrti three months ago.

During the weeks of waiting for news on their families, finding new homes, and getting over the doctrines that were all they once knew, Daniel had been a sort of comfort and distraction. The linguist at first only wanted to collect stories and songs, but ended up doing daily jam sessions and just chatting over nothing with the warriors, making them feel normal when everyone else tiptoed around them.

Jack had been amazed when one night he was raiding the commissary while pulling an all nighter because of a missing team, in the mess hall Daniel, Nyan, Teal'c, and the visiting jaffa were all eating popcorn, chips, and ice cream while watching movies. Star Wars was a hit with the jaffa, as was The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (which was Nyan's pick), but it was Daniel's pick which really got the jaffa laughing. For some reason British humour was compatible to jaffa jokes and Life of Brain was enough to get the warriors in tears with laughter.

Now it was more common to see the aliens going to bond with the newbie geek, rather than in the library, labs, or wherever they used to go to get used to Earth-side culture. Daniel explained things to them, giving them frames of reference from their home worlds, and treating everyone the same. No one was stupid to him and it almost seemed like Daniel made it a point to try to understand just how other people thought and talked.

More than once Jack had heard a room with a Daniel Jackson in it compared to the Tower of Babel, mostly because Daniel liked it when people used their native tongues to chat with him. If it weren't extraterrestrial, it was on a speaker phone to some linguist from some dig in the middle of nowhere that owed Daniel. English was only used by Daniel when speaking to an American, Australian, Canadian, or Brit. Even in the odd busy moments when Daniel would talk to himself Arabic or whatever language he was translating was used. Jack sighed, that total snubbing of English meant that he had to ask Daniel for his thoughts, not trust in his babble.

You have any ideas that I can use? Jack heard Daniel ask.

I wish. I came here to get some from you. Jack had an idea come to him, You know, there is a gap in team expertise that needs to be filled.Well we got military teams, diplomatic teams, and science teams, right? Daniel nodded at Jack's words, Well, a lot of times we see things were we either need to send two different teams, or a team ends up totally out of their depth. Daniel said carefully, still not totally seeing where this was going.

I also have a few people on base who would be better utilised in the field but need special handling or they don't get along with anyone but a certain few people, if I put them on a team...I see, you want to create a mixed team that can do first contact and assess whether or not to send others, or to just to get a variety of information at once. Right? Daniel saw the smile on Jack's face, And you want me on it?Ya got it. You and Bra'tac get on, right? Daniel nodded, he had yet to meet a free jaffa he didn't like, and Bra'tac had a unique sense of humour that Daniel liked.

So who else other than Bra'tac and I? asked Daniel.

Bra'tac pretty much covers Gou'ald knowledge and military, but since every team needs a US military member, I'm gonna ask Davis to be the diplomat. He's been looking pretty stressed out and a change of scenery could do him some good. And I donno, I'll get Carter to find you some hot shot techno-wiz. Jack looked pleased with himself, but Daniel bit his lip as he tried to think of all the things that would go wrong.

What about the translations and MALP evaluations I do? asked Daniel and Jack frowned.

Well, you could still do them while Earth-side, but your team takes priority, and Rothman is getting a handle on Gou'ald, Gardner's not too far behind him. Jack said and Daniel nodded. It was true that Robert was getting better and better with the alien tongue, and Sarah, when she wasn't in a snit about something, wasn't being as close-minded as she used to be, but Daniel still didn't know if he'd stake lives on their work.

I'd do it, only if Nyan takes a more senior position. He double checks and has no problem with saying he needs help or whatever. Daniel said at last, But I'm not in charge of the department, I'm more like a hired hand now to them. Jack sighed.

They aren't gonna go for it, are they?It'd be a cold day in Hell.Okay, I'll make the suggestion, but I'd take some major concessions. Daniel nodded and pushed his now green-blue streaked hair out of his pink and red eyes. Daniel made some comment about getting braids or something done, but Jack ignored it. Daniel was a civilian, and the boy was milking it for all it was worth.

Jack had started to tune out all Daniel's oddities; the changing hair colours, the piercings, the weird tattoos, and the occasional days of weird coloured contacts. Now that he thought about it, if Daniel went off-world as he was today, no one was going to think he was human. Jack was almost giddy at the thought of sending him to meet the Tok'ra or better yet, the Nox and Tollan.

Daniel grinned, he could almost read Jack's mind, If you give me a day's notice before the next time an ally who has gipped you visits, I will do my best to come to work looking like a semi-geeky Gene Simmons or Marilyn Manson. Total hair colour, fish net shirt, leather, and all. Jack laughed at the offer but was seriously considering it for the next little mission' the Tok'ra came to them with.


	3. A Tuneful Harmony

Title: A Tuneful Harmony

Author: P.L.S.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are property of Stargate (II) productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money was exchanged. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations and story are property of the author.

Summery: AU- The first mission briefing of the newly dubbed SG-15.

Warnings: Uh, Jack's a general (which to me is scary even if is canon.) Really, you just need to worry about the severe AU factor. And dead slash relationships- I can't write a straight Daniel. So, he has exes in the forms of Davis, Raynor, and Gardener (which is canon het.)

Author's Notes: It's kind of short, but I really didn't want to write the mission too.

ooOooOoo

Jack smiled to himself. While technically the team leader was Major Davis, in reality it was a joint ruler ship from Bra'tac, the father of the Jaffa rebellion, and Dr. Daniel Jackson, the three time PhD who also doubled as a front man and piano player for a very weird punk group. The Pentagon was having fits over the team, not to mention loosing their shining star to the mysterious entity that was called Project Blue Book. Supposedly, the team made a wise choice with their last member, Lt. Jennifer Haley. Fresh out of the Academy and probably voted 'most likely to blow up the planet to prove a long accepted theory wrong'. She was young, smart, and from what he saw yesterday in both the commissary and the gym, she was already corrupted by Daniel.

Bra'tac was already in the briefing room, looking thoughtful as he looked at the glass star map that Hammond had put in before he also put in for retirement. Jack always had a soft spot in his heart for the individual Jaffa he knew, not that he understood why. It wasn't because they were alien, after all, Nyan was alien too, but all he did was creep Jack out and make him fear to go up to the academic floors when word hit him that coffee or sugar was had by the Bedrosian.

"'Sup?" Jack asked as he walked in. Bra'tac actually smiled at him.

"Ah, O'Neill. I was just thinking of the wonder I first felt when I was young, learning of the empires made of stars. I think I almost feel the same wonder now." Bra'tac said.

"Yeah, it's a hellva thing, ain't it?" Jack said with a grin.

"Indeed. But that isn't the whole of it, I believe." Bra'tac shook his head, "This time I am truly just becoming an explorer, not a scout, not a conqueror. It is a new path." Jack smiled.

"Glad we could find something that you haven't done yet." At that moment Daniel came in, resplendent in his own mix of punk and military concessions. Davis followed with a tentative smile and an unconscious touch to the patch on his BDU's that declared he was part of SG-15. Soon after they came in Haley bounced in with a sugar sweet grin. Jack secretly loved creating new teams out of people who were once just on the sidelines. They always seemed to have that wonder and bone deep understanding of why the SGC was there that no one else could seem to match.

Daniel pulled Haley down to sit next to him while Davis and Bra'tac sat on the other side of the table, leaving the general to sit at the head. Davis was the one who was going to be doing most of the work on this mission and as such he was the one who had the piles of notes, while everyone else had simple outlines and the bare essentials. Jack sighed as he saw Daniel play with the thick ring in his right ear.

"Dr. Jackson? Are you going to try to scare the natives?" asked Jack. Daniel grinned at him unrepentantly.

"General, you know I'll only look this out there for your favorite neighbors." He said and with a grin pulled out a mirror to brush an ivory and crimson lock out of his naturally blue eyes. "Besides, I would think aliens, such as those you are making us meet, would be more tolerant of fashion choices. Besides, look what Sam made me." Daniel such out his tongue to show off a small disk that flashed different colors.

"Carter? God, what have you two been up to?" Jack exclaimed and Davis laughed.

"General, Major Carter and Dr. Jackson have bonded over their mutual brains, age, and love of good leather shops. Besides, neither of them do anything but work or work on their hobbies." Davis said. Haley nodded.

"Oh, yeah. Totally, sir. They kinda make me wish I had a friendship like theirs." She said. Daniel hugged her with a smile.

"Aw, Jenny, you know we wuv you." He teased and she hit him on the shoulder.

"Cut it out. Geez, you are such a kid." She said and Daniel laughed. Bra'tac was looking at them with a look that seemed to be affectionate exasperation and Davis was grinning in his own restrained military way. Jack was actually ecstatic to see the dynamics so family-like without all the life or death junk that SG-1 had to get through to actually bond. Then again, as he thought about it, Daniel was already friends with Davis and Bra'tac. Haley was the only really unknown, sort of. Besides Bra'tac had used the previous weekend to camp in a bit of woods just out of the way on the mountain. Between Daniel's ability to get anyone to like him and Bra'tac's vast experience in his own military, it was a given that the weekend would do some good. They were isolated from everyone but the team and as such, Jack knew that they had already done the bonding they needed to do.

"Okay, so you folks are off to see the Tok'ra?" asked Jack. Davis took his queue gracefully.

"Yes, sir. As it is the Pentagon has expressed concern over having such an informal and useless treaty with an ally that seems to request so much of our resources and people. Despite the fact that General Carter is a host and a high ranking member of their governing body, we have seen very little benefit from this current agreement, and as such must seriously question the wisdom of how we conduct business with a rather mysterious race. Hopefully, with this trip we will begin a more formal round of talks that will culminate in a treaty that both Earth and the Tok'ra will find to be more suited to our mutual goals. Also to that end we hope to start to form a friendship not too unlike that which we enjoy with the Free and Rebel Jaffa." Davis said in a cool professional tone that Jack was almost impressed by.

"Okay, you seem to know what to do. Anything else?"

"Nah, I'm going to be doing cultural translations, and maybe try to find out if they have an archive." Daniel said "Oh, yeah, I'll be there if they try to step on toes or worse, like forgetting that plain old Tau'ri humans might not be the most technologically advanced, but we do have brains." Daniel had already talked with a representative of the council and was not impressed at all. Jack had heard that shortly after Daniel had left the meeting the anthro department was treated to an impromptu lesson in about twenty languages worth of curses, oaths, and swear words.

"I'll be bugging Anise-Freya, that and making sure that the treaty includes technological sharing that will work out for us." Haley said. Jack smiled a bit at the first part. He was almost sure it was Carter who was sicing Haley on the mad scientist.

"I will represent the Jaffa, as well as ensure that the treaty does not abuse the Tau'ri military's warriors." Bra'tac said with gravity and Daniel grinned at the Jaffa.

"And you promised to accidentally break a few toes if they get too annoying." Daniel said and Bra'tac nodded.

"Indeed I did."

Jack wished he wasn't a general because at that moment he would have given his right arm to join SG-15 for the mission to Vorash.


	4. Singing

Title: Singing

Author: P.L.S.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are property of Stargate (II) productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money was exchanged. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations and story are property of the author.

Summery: AU- A snippet from the first mission of SG-15.

Warnings: Uh, Jack's a general (which to me is scary even if is canon.) Really, you just need to worry about the severe AU factor. And dead slash relationships- I can't write a straight Daniel. So, he has exes in the forms of Davis, Raynor, and Gardener (which is canon het.)

Author's Notes: Slashy thoughts, Sexxy Danny, Slashy Future… Ah, bliss.

ooOooOoo

"Oh my God." Jennifer muttered as she watched the train wreck.

"I second that." Paul said with a shudder.

"I have often wondered if there isn't an evil force that pushes me into things like this." Bra'tac said with a wince.

The situation was now way too out of hand, but no one could see how to stop it. But in the end Daniel agreed to the solution offered by the council.

Earlier that evening, most of SG-15 walked into the great room which was serving as both dining hall and council chambers, they were greeted by people with two personalities, flashing eyes, and clothes that were all brown.

Jennifer made the mistake of commenting on clothes and while the Tok'ra she was sitting next to had a female host, it was a female who came from a male dominated world where she was nearly burned at the stake for not acting like a 'girl'. The symbiote wasn't much better on that front. And so Jennifer learned quickly how to argue with a Tok'ra and as always she went straight for the jugular.

Bra'tac entered the fray with his typical blunt and painfully honest style and he also hammed up the fact that they were in fact of the same species as the Gou'ald and thus were just as awful in the Jaffa's point of view. He hit upon their in ability to trust in the skill of the human armies and in their actions that almost killed the Jaffa rebellion.

Paul at first tried to play peacemaker, but then there was an insult to the USAF, then to the SGC, then finally Paul had enough when a Tok'ra insulted the Tau'ri in general. Paul was good at both being very compromising and kind to even those he hated, but he was even better at being angry and downright lethal with his remarks. Having grown up in an upper class family, he knew how to kill reputations, how to tear someone apart, and how to be as obnoxious as a tired and spoiled five years old on a sugar high. Paul ripped into anyone but his team mates who found their stride and followed his lead in their trash talking tirades.

They were well into it when in came a very serene and outlandishly dressed Daniel, chatting with Martouf-Lantesh who Daniel had just given a nose ring to. Daniel didn't wear nose rings but when Sam had made him a set of flashing jewelry, she made a nose ring. Martouf loved the techno-gem and inserted it before Lantesh could stop him, and once it was in Lantesh had to admit it looked rather cool. Thus formed the rather quick friendship of the three souls.

It was then it happened.

In the end everyone said 'alien influence' but all there knew the truth.

It was all because SG-15 had been told to do whatever was needed to get a good treaty by both the President and O'Neill.

It was also because Selmac's host was really a very perverted old woman and she played the 'hurt old granny' part far too well on the guy who both was giving by nature and had issues from living in foster care.

Daniel Jackson was dancing on a table, giving a performance of pop songs and a few emo covers that he loved, all in Gou'ald. All to bridge the gap that SG-15 nearly made far too wide for anything other than war.

He was also now only wearing pants, which let everyone see the nipple ring, belly ring and the tattoos that were lines of ancient text that spiraled and curled over his skin.

"I can't believe you dumped that." Hissed Jennifer at Paul who nodded sadly.

"I am in agreement. You are one of the biggest hassaks in the universe." Bra'tac said and Paul crossed his legs and sighed when he saw the looks shared between Daniel and Martouf who had been pulled up by Daniel to help him do a duet.

"I thought it was for the best at the time. God, you think I wanted to give him up? But I had to for his sake." Paul said with a whimper. Jennifer patted his hand.

"Poor Paul."

"Bah, still a hassak. You will get little sympathy from me." Bra'tac said.

"Well, maybe it isn't so awful. Once the concert is over the Tok'ra promised to lock Daniel and Martouf-Lantesh away and whatever treaty they make will be the one we abide by." Jennifer said and Paul started hitting his head.

"Believe that treaties are not the only thing that will be between those two tonight. Major Davis agrees." Bra'tac said with a smirk at the pained and very sad diplomat. Jennifer's eyes widened and she quickly turned to study the semi-flirtatious show that the two 'representatives' of their peoples were giving.

"Oh. Well at least it should turn out the best for Earth as a whole. I mean with that bod, those eyes, and, good God, every tasty bit of that linguist, Martouf would probably do anything to make sure he says on Daniel's good side." Jennifer said. Bra'tac nodded and Paul kept hitting his head.

Unaware of the talking, Daniel obliviously ignored the crowd and even the one on the table next to him as he lived in the music. He just wanted to get it over with so he could go and finally get a fair treaty for the Tau'ri and Tok'ra. He was surprised by the request that he perform for the council, but put it down to the SGC's scientist and alien population talking and passing around the news that he was a singer.

The man really didn't get why he had to sing sans shirt but, then again he had no idea of the customs and traditions of some of the hosts. Maybe it was important. In any case it wasn't going in his report.

Two more songs then he'd spend all night creating a treaty with his two new friends.


	5. Evidence

Title: Evidence

Author: P.L.S.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are property of Stargate (II) productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money was exchanged. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations and story are property of the author.

Summery: AU- The treaty has a flaw (at least in Paul's eyes.) SG-15 gets a fifth member who is just a clueless as Daniel when it comes to how others see him.

Warnings: Uh, Jack's a general (which to me is scary even if is canon.) Really, you just need to worry about the severe AU factor. And dead slash relationships- I can't write a straight Daniel. So, he has exes in the forms of Davis, Raynor, and Gardener (which is canon het.)

Author's Notes: Hell is trying to figure out how to follow 'Singing'. I thought about Kelowna, but I don't wanna kill Danny. Not yet, anyhow. So now I figure I might as well make life as hellish for Paul as I can.

ooOooOoo

Jack blinked.

Sam smiled.

Teal'c… was Teal'c.

SG-15, complete with their newest alien member had returned from their week of bonding. Bra'tac was in jeans and a tee with a pair of the loudest colored trainers that money could buy. Paul was still military perfect, but with a tan and the bleary look that followed a night of drinking. Jennifer had a new hair color that was sorta natural looking, with thin streaks of what looked to be green and violet, she was just toeing the line on how far she could go with her look at work. Daniel, well, he was just himself, blue hair and all. He was also currently breathing in coffee and muttering how maybe getting a caffeine drip into his veins would be a good plan.

Martouf- Lantesh, the latest member of SG-15, and current suitor to Sam Carter, was well, changed.

His ears were now sporting three earrings all together, two in the right, and one in the left. His nose bore a strobe charm that he begged Sam to create; his hair was no longer brown. Instead he had obviously let Daniel pick out a nice lime green base with black tips. Sam let Jack see some of the pictures that Jennifer took during their trip to New York City and Washington DC, in them Bra'tac looked like an indulgent father and Paul, Jennifer, Martouf-Lantesh, and Daniel were perfect images of punk, which Jack could tell disturbed the others around him at the Smithsonian's Natural History Museum.

"Oh, that one. I think the snobs were disturbed to hear Professor Jackson start teaching us about the potential futures that could have happened both without an ice age and if the ice age had lasted longer, which turned into us giving him various points in history and Daniel telling us what might have happened. It was kind of a game as well as a cool way to get Bra'tac and Marty-Lan knowing a bit more about what most American's get about world history." Jennifer said when Jack asked about the photo. Paul nodded.

"Both can easily pass for normal now, and any lapses can be covered by a simple cover story." Paul said with a smile. Jack understood Paul's wanting to get the two aliens as used to Earth as he could. Paul used to be responsible for any slips that Teal'c made and those slips cost money in bribes as well as far too much paper work for everyone but the alien making the mistake.

Of course, Jack thought that Paul had a less noble reason as well. If Marty could pass as a homo Saipan born and raised in the US of A, then they could start taking the boy out more. If they could take him out then the boy from planet Vorash could find a nice girl or boy to date, which meant that Daniel would no longer be in danger of getting hit on by the Tok'ra.

Not that Marty or Lantesh were hitting on Daniel, both sides of the guy were focused on Sam Carter and dead set on her in a romantic sense. Jack also saw the guy looking at other girls, never other boys. As far as Jack could see Marty was straight, but then again the whole treaty thing seemed a bit fishy. It was like SG-15 had maybe not told them the whole story of why it ended up being just Daniel and Marty who had a say in the whole thing. It made no sense.

Jack was distracted as another photo was held in his face.

"Oh! Look at this one." Sam held up one with Daniel and Jennifer playing on the outdoor sculptures at the Smithsonian Mall, Paul was yelling at them while Martouf-Lantesh looked bewildered.

"Yeah, about that, maybe you can explain why someone would create a giant coil of steel and paint it with spots." Martouf asked Sam who just laughed.

"Beats me. I think artists are all nuts." Sam said and Martouf's eyes glowed as Lantesh came up.

"_That's what Jenny and I said, but I think Daniel and Paul's nattering on about cultural insanity confused Martouf_." Lantesh said and gave the two men a glare.

"Not that it is hard to confuse Martouf with anything other than technology and espionage." Bra'tac said, "You Tok'ra have been depriving him of the better things in life." Lantesh sighed and nodded.

"_True. This is why I suggested I take this position. The Tau'ri seem to have a more healthy balance in their fight_."

"Huh?" Daniel looked up from his coffee, obviously not awake despite his eyes being open, "I dun wanna figh'." Daniel said before draining the rest of his coffee. Everyone smiled at him and then ignored the sleeping man in favor of looking over the documentation of the experiment in acclimating extraterrestrials to American culture.

(Conversation day before trip: "Why did we call it that? Everyone knows America has no culture."- Daniel

"Because if I put that on the paperwork we get paid and the US Military will foot the bill for anything and everything we do on this trip, including credit cards for shopping."- Paul.

"Good call."- Daniel)

"Ah, this I enjoyed greatly." Bra'tac said as they looked at a picture of the 'old man' beating some kid at a game of Mortal Combat 2 at an arcade. "Do you intend teach your young to fight in such violent and fantastic games?" he asked with an evil grin. "We Jaffa could use such training materials adapted to the fight with our oppressors."

"_It_ _would also be good for the Tok'ra in the education of those we ally with or those humans who are in our care_." Lantesh said.

"Video games?" Jack asked. Paul nodded.

"It could be a good way to slyly introduce Earth to the threat without divulging the truth, plus it would help fund us." He said and Jack sighed.

"Lemme guess, Haley, you just happen to already have an idea started."

"Yeah. Folger and Lee have been helping me refine it, but give it a few weeks and I'll have a copy for your Playstation that you say you don't have in your office." She said with a smirk. Jack looked at the team that used to be his, and they gave him looks that clearly said 'approve it!'

"'Kay." And on went the 'debriefing'.


	6. I Know A Song Pt1

Title: I Know a Song

Author: P.L.S.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are property of Stargate (II) productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money was exchanged. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations and story are property of the author.

Summery: AU- SG-15 returns from P4X884 with baggage.

Warnings: Uh, Jack's a general (which to me is scary even if is canon.) Really, you just need to worry about the severe AU factor. And dead slash relationships- I can't write a completely straight Daniel. So, he has ex's in the forms of Davis, Raynor, and Gardener (which is canon het.) For this episode- ton of spoilers for a number of shows from S1 thru S3 especially Urgo.

Author's Notes: I hate it. I was all set to have chapter six of Nabu done, then I go and do this...

ooOooOoo

Bah, I see nothing. Bra'tac said no more than three seconds after the wormhole shut down. Daniel shook his head as he shared a look with Jennifer. Martouf and Lantesh were using some kind of Tok'ra recording device and Paul was watching over the Tok'ra explorer.

Bra'tac, give us a minute. We only just came in. whined Jennifer with her puppy dog eyes going full tilt. Bra'tac sighed.

Daniel,. is there any reason to stay? asked the Jaffa. Daniel tossed Bra'tac something he picked up off the ground.

How's that for a reason. Daniel drawled with a smirk. Bra'tac looked at it. It was a paper thin clear plastic-like covering over a half gone thing that was both soft and sweet. The covering had bright green characters upon it that looked to be both communicative and decorative, not unlike a candy bar wrapper.

Bra'tac said as he sniffed, Very well, we shall investigate.That's what I thought. Daniel said.

---

Bah, I see nothing. Bra'tac said no more than three seconds after the wormhole shut down. Jennifer pulled out a beeping sensor array that was a handheld size. Daniel stood next to her, looking over her shoulder then looking around. Martouf and Lantesh were using some kind of Tok'ra recording device and Paul was watching over the Tok'ra explorer.

Daniel looked at Bra'tac, Are you okay?I am fine. I just wish to return, I grow weary of going places with so little to bring in return. Bra'tac growled out with a glare at Paul who was distracting Martouf from doing his scanning. Daniel followed his gaze and rolled his eyes.

Yeeah. I see your point. Daniel said and turned to Jennifer.

Nope, nothing worth mentioning. Jennifer looked at Bra'tac, How bout we hop over to Chulack or Land of Light for supper then gate here then home. It will fill our hours and we'd get tomorrow off from travel.I am not in objection of this. said Bra'tac with a smile, But maybe a stop in Cimmeria wouldn't be amiss as well. Daniel thought about it, then he made the connection.

The Games of Trial and Might. Geez, you just wanna do the Viking version of the Highland games. Daniel said with a groan.

This is true. Bra'tac smiled, You humans have taught me much, now I wish to teach the humans that a Jaffa can do anything they can do, and better.Daniel, count us in too. Lan and I both love friendly competion in the way of what you term as sports. Martouf said with a grin, Besides, if Bra'tac is representing the Free Jaffa, the Tok'ra need to make a showing too.That actually sounds like fun. said Paul.

Raise your hand if you wanna go play He-Man with the Cimmerians. said Daniel and he sighed as everyone but him raised their hands, Fine, fine. I'll dial up Earth, send the MALP through after Jack approves this side trip.So how'd you do at the Games? Daniel looked up at the control room where Jack was looking down with a smile. Why was that important? Jack was always at the control room when he was able to be. Daniel studied the room, like it was the first time he had ever seen it, but it wasn't. He had been with the SGC for just over a year, first half of that he had been doing MALP analysis as part of his daily jobs, second half seemed to be all Gating.

We performed well. Bra'tac said with utter confidence, There were a great number of contests in which a member of SG-15 took the prize.Oh yeah, Daniel spent the time teaching of runes and how to use them in many ways to the children in exchange for their telling of stories. Martouf said. _He would only take part in the final game, an archery puzzle test_. Lantesh said.

You're just sore that Daniel beat everyone by hours. Jennifer said with a smirk.

_No, I am irritated that he did not tell me that he would be joining in. Otherwise, my bets would have been placed upon a winner rather than this one_. Lantesh said as he cuffed Paul over the head.

Hey! Not my fault! I took second, so if it weren't for Daniel and Jenny, we would have made out like bandits. Paul said and then looked up at the laughing faces in the control room.

Sounds like you had fun. Head to the infirmary for the post mission check then debriefing at sixteen hundred hours. Jack said, Jenny, bring my share of the pot then.Will do, sir! she snapped off a salute and SG-15 went to the infirmary chattering about this and that. Everyone but Daniel was happy, and it hit Daniel as weird.

Guys, didn't we drink that whisky that Olaf Redson gave us? And Hildagard's ale, Gunter's beer, and that wine that Garwain gave us?Yeah. It all was a good bit stronger than anything from a bar, especially that moonshine they trade for from Abados. Paul said, We should have the mother of all hangovers now. Daniel said, No wonder we won today, we were the only ones not suffering.Something happened. We're different somehow, God. Daniel said with a few curses under his breath, said Doctor Warner, he had caught on, I'll run more tests, and I guess iso.Can you have the logs of our transmissions back to base in the isolation room? Paul asked, If we did catch something, we may have lost time, but not realised it. Warner nodded and left to make a few calls around the base.

Good idea. Jennifer nodded at Paul who smiled, Whatever this is is pretty strong, both Tok'ra and Jaffa seem invulnerable to all but stuff made for them._This is mostly true, but there are worlds that no member of either race has gone, and they may have technology or illnesses that we are all vulnerable to_. Lantesh said with a frown, _P4X884 was from Major Carter's cold dialling program'._If there is something, we may need to go back to P4X884 and have whoever is there undo it. Daniel said with a sigh, Well, unless the SGC or one of our allies can do something first.I do not like this idea of going back. Bra'tac muttered.

I'm getting the chills thinking about it, but why? Jennifer said.

Me too. said Martouf, I feel like I'd rather go kiss Apophis than go back. Paul nodded and rubbed his arms to warm himself up.

I want cake. Daniel looked surprised at his own words.

Bra'tac asked.

Me too. Paul said.

I want cookies. said Martouf with wide eyes.

Hundred Grand bar. Jennifer said, With ice cream.I crave potato crisps. Bra'tac said. All five stood as one and left.

---

(I'm gonna stop for now. I kinda wanna get this out with C9 of Nabu this afternoon.)


	7. That Gets On Everybody's Nerves Pt2

Title: . . .That Gets On Everybodyís Nerves . . .

Author: P.L.S.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are property of Stargate (II) productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money was exchanged. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations and story are property of the author.

Summery: AU- SG-15 returns from P4X884 with baggage. Part 2 of the set.

Warnings: Uh, Jackís a general (which to me is scary even if is canon.) Really, you just need to worry about the severe AU factor. And dead slash relationships- I canít write a completely straight Daniel. So, he has ex's in the forms of Davis, Raynor, and Gardener (which is canon het.) For this episode- ton of spoilers for a number of shows from S1 through S3 especially Urgo.

Author's Notes: Sorry this took so long to get out, but I kinda just forgot. I owe this chapter to the Cranberries and Queen... The bands... geez, if you don't know who those two groups are you are in a pitiful state of knowledge about rock.

ooOooOoo

"We ran all the tests we could think of." Daniel was half listening as Dr. Fraiser gave her report on their problems that the trip to P4X884 caused. They had just pulled themselves out of their junk food binge, sort of. Jennifer was sucking on a Tootsie Pop, Martouf was trying to open a 5th Avenue bar, and he was still drinking his coffee, which for some reason tasted heavenly instead of like sludge. Government issue coffee was never this good, so there had to be something wrong.

"What did you find, Doctor?" asked Paul.

"At first it was nothing but look at your MRI scans." She directed their attention to the light box where five sort of identical brain scans were hanging. Martouf-Lantesh's was weird looking, but now everyone was starting to get used to it, "All six of your brains have this anomaly. I'm not sure what to make of it, but still, this is the only unusual result we could find in all six of you." She sighed and frowned. Daniel knew that she was slightly envious of the fact that coffee tasted good for him but not her, it was a lament that they had shared before.

"So can you remove it?" asked Jennifer around her sucker, "I feel like all my self-control has gone on vacation."

"Not without major risks. This is planted deep in your cerebral cortex." Dr. Fraiser said and Daniel nodded.

"Then we'll go back and get whomever put this in us to get it out." he said and was surprised to hear a resounding shout.

"NO!"

"Ow." muttered Martouf who hit Paul, "Why did you yell?"

"I didn't." Paul said with a confused look.

"Did all of you hear a yell?" asked Fraiser with a curious look. All of SG-15 nodded.

"It shouted 'no.'" said Bra'tac, "Whomever shouted does not wish us to go back to P4X884."

"_Then we must go_." said Lantesh, "_Obviously, it must be whatever is making us crave sweets and snack foods_."

"No, don't. You don't wanna get rid of me."

"Are you sure that going back to the planet will get rid of this influence?" asked Fraiser.

"No, but we must if we wish to stay a first-contact/exploration team. It's talking to us now and between that and the way it keeps pushing at us, we'd be a liability in the field." said Paul and Bra'tac nodded.

"What is it saying?" asked Fraiser.

"Just that we don't want to get rid of whatever it is, which we do." Daniel said the last bit to the alien thing.

"No you don't, you secretly love the way I make your coffee taste." said the voice.

"No! I want my coffee to taste like coffee!" Daniel stopped when it hit him, he was sounding like a three year old, "Just what are you, anyway?"

"I am Urgo." came the voice.

"Urgo?" Bra'tac repeated, "I have never heard of such a being."

"Neither have we." said Martouf with a scowl. Of all the members of SG-15, Martouf-Lantesh was making the biggest changes in their life as they became true explorers. Tok'ra were infiltrators and mimics by nature and to purposely go into places with no prior knowledge of the situation was almost scary for the man and symbiote. But both felt it was a small price to pay to be closer to Samantha Carter and to ensure that the Council would stop treating the Tau'ri like tools. Even dealing with the strange Paul was not too great a price to pay for a real chance at being with Samantha.

"Ooo, so Martouf-Lantesh has a cru-ah-sh." sing songed the voice that was driving them all bananas even before it started to talk. Paul glared at Martouf, he knew that the Tok'ra only wanted to steal Daniel away. Ever since that night that the two made that treaty Paul knew that his beautiful, oblivious, saintly Dan was that Tok'ra's next conquest. Paul saw the evidence written all over that blushing smug face.

"Oh good heavens, not everyone is out to jump the boy's bones!" cried the voice, "They don't even look at any guys, let alone Daniel, that way!" Now Jennifer was laughing.

"This is better than watching bad talk shows!" she crowed and the voice joined her in laughing. Bra'tac just looked puzzled.

"Dr. Fraiser, could you just sedate us and send us back to P4X884. This thing seems to delight in letting everyone know our secrets." Bra'tac said and then he winced, "I do want to get rid of him by any means. I do!"

"I see. I'm just going to go brief the general. I'll put the four of you into separate rooms until a decision is made." she said and quickly the five bodies were ushered into five small isolation rooms.

---

Jack had thought he had seen it all. Really, after blowing up two mother ships, seeing an entire planet exterminated to kill the Tau'ri, finding out that Thor was really a Roswell Grey, and watching Teal'c almost turn into about ten giant bugs, he thought that nothing would surprise him.

But here he was, watching one of his best teams sing children's songs in round from five very separate rooms. Good thing it was being recorded for future use. Now the tech had a list going, they had already gone through _Row, Row, Row, Your Boat, Hot Cross Buns, It's A Small World, Alloutte_, and _Greasy Gopher Guts_. Now the five or was the six were on their seventh verse of _The Song That Never Ends_. Actually, it wasn't that bad. It didn't hurt that Daniel was a singer by trade, Haley and Davis once choir boy and girl. Martouf-Lantesh was weird, Bra'tac was just scary, but that scariness was probably because Jaffa didn't seem like the singer type of people, especially not tough guy Jaffa who were bad enough to become 'old'.

"So what do you recommend, Doc?" Jack asked Dr. Fraiser who was looking very weird-ed out.

"Uh, well, Bra'tac requested that they be sedated and it makes sense. This thing has a lot of control over the six of them, it was, I guess, delving into their secrets at the time of the request." Jack sighed at her words.

"Great." Jack really didn't want to have five vegetables for an exploration team, "Maybe we can contact the Asgard or who knows, maybe the Tok'ra can develop something."

"Sir, what do you want to do right now? They aren't an immediate danger as far as I can tell. The thing seems to be mostly for exploration by the inhabitants of P4X884, or at least that is what both Lt. Haley and Dr. Jackson theorised then confirmed by asking Urgo."

"Bring 'em all up to the briefing room. I don't think they know that they're all singing like this, and I want to get some more input from them and Urgo before I tell you to turn them into veggies until one of the aliens who say they owe us one actually return a favour." Jack said and left. He really did not want to think about sedating his friends.


End file.
